I got some wonderful news this week—that a friend just got engaged! I’m very excited for her; that’s been a long time coming, and I’m glad they finally made that decision.
It’s also interesting, as a single woman, to hear news like that. Though I have had several other acquaintances or friends—some younger than me—get married in the last few years, none in my “close” friend group have tied the knot yet.
And though I’m reminded that perhaps, with several relationships in the past few years, it could have been me giving out the joyful news, that’s not where I am now. I’ve seen other single young women really struggling with this, but I feel curiously detached from such feelings—perhaps I’m not old enough to really mourn it? Surely my life isn’t more full, more busy, than theirs?
It isn’t that I don’t sometimes feel a little sad that things didn’t turn out the way I hoped. After all, I wanted to get married at 18 and probably have two or three children by now! (I’m thankful God didn’t fulfill that wish, by the way.)
Whatever the case may be, I’m thankful to be in the season I’m in.
I’m thankful I don’t have a husband and family and all the responsibilities that come with that—thankful, because of that, to have the ability to step into other people’s lives and walk alongside them for a time as needed.
I’m thankful to have this time with my family—after this past year of being away almost more than I was here (maybe not always physically, but emotionally), that is extra-special. There’s a 21-year age gap between my youngest sister and me, and that feels pretty big. I’m glad I get this time to watch her grow up.
Even though I’m thankful—grateful—to be in this season, yes, it sometimes is hard to think of others getting to live the life I’d love to live. Hard to see others looking forward to having their own homes, starting their own families, having that special relationship blossom and grow with year after year of patient tending.
It’s hard to think about the people getting to hold and love on their own babies when I don’t have one yet.
Maybe I’m not as detached about it as I thought at first. Maybe I do care more.
But this—this I do know, and I keep learning about more and still haven’t found the bottom of yet: God’s love toward me is even greater.
His plans for me are even wider.
His direction in my life is even higher and more complicated than I ever thought possible.
And—He has directed my past. I’ve seen His fingerprints in my life over, and over, and over, guiding, directing, leading, and placing the next steppingstone there just when I need it the most.
He is trustworthy. And if He can provide the small answers to my problems now, He can and will provide the bigger answers to my relationships when the time is right.
So yes, today, I rejoice with my friend who announces her engagement. I rejoice with other friends who are eagerly anticipating their wedding in just a month’s time. And I rejoice with my Father, knowing that He has my life firmly in His capable hands.
What truths are you telling your soul right now? Is this something you’ve struggled with? What conclusions have you come to?