God's Goodness

Courage vs. Fear

March 18, 2019 // Esther Filbrun 2 Comments

I read a quote last night that really struck me: “Living unafraid doesn’t mean that we don’t feel fear but that we don’t obey it.” (from the Our Daily Bread devotional)

As one who has had to deal with fear a lot, especially with regards to the aftermath of my brother’s death, this encouraged me to see another angle. Or at least hear the truth put in another way.

We were never called to obey fear—that is far removed from what Jesus called us to! He called us to walk and live out of love, loving God first and foremost, knowing His abundant, unreserved love, and that affecting every other area in our lives.

I recently read through Deuteronomy, Joshua, and 1 & 2 Samuel. Over and over, the phrase is repeated, “be strong and of good courage, do not fear…” Courage and strength are incompatible with fear.

Act out of love and courage today—He has called you, and He has also equipped you, so you have no reason to obey fear.

Our God Sustains

September 13, 2018 // Esther Filbrun Leave a Comment

This post was written a couple days ago, while I was on my way home after a trip.

I’m on my way home right now. After being away for three weeks, I should be walking in my front door in about four hours.

The past three weeks have been much like I was expecting them, and totally different. I went to help out a family after complications following the birth of their youngest, who is now six weeks old. I got to be “Mum” to two lovely youngsters—both under eight—while Dad was away working and Mum was in the hospital with the baby.

And while I’m not completely unaccustomed to the position or title—you get some experience, I believe, of being the oldest of seven—it was a different experience for me, since I was in charge of the children from early in the morning until evening. It was stretching, and stressful, and exhausting, but also amazingly fun, encouraging, and satisfying.

I hadn’t known the family before I went up to, so while we were getting to know each other, I was also put into a leadership position—something that the children did struggle with some. At times, it was challenging to know what to do with disobedience or attitude issues, but something I saw in action again was the truth that the Lord sustains where He calls. I definitely felt called to help out in that situation, and while I also felt very under-equipped for the job, I was able to rely on the Lord through that and He gave me the strength and words to say even when I felt worn out.

I’ve been reading a book called The Insanity of God recently, and one thing that keeps popping out to me over and over is how much strength the Lord gives His children when they are in situations where, humanly speaking, they are feeling quite incapable.

Our God is good.

I may not have had the personal Bible study time like I like structuring into my days. I may not have had that so-important dedicated prayer time that I love to have each day. But I had the Lord. I had to be in communication with Him on a regular basis, and those days ended up being some of the sweetest, most encouraging, most God-centered, closest moments of fellowship I’ve had with Him in many weeks.

Our God is so good.

So as I head home now, winding between snowcapped peaks and dry, tussocky foothills, I’m thankful for all the Lord has done for us. And I can’t wait to see what my next adventure with Him will look like.

Let’s discuss: When was one time recently that you really felt the Lord’s presence in situations that seemed well-nigh impossible at the time?

Commit Thy Works…

October 10, 2017 // Esther Filbrun Leave a Comment

This morning, as I was preparing for my day, I spent some time in Proverbs 16, along with reading a few other chapters. Verse three really struck my attention:

“Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.“

This past week hasn’t been the easiest in all senses of the term. For the last few months, Dad and Mom have been trying to figure out how to buy this rental we’re currently in. Due to one thing and another, though, getting all the paperwork together and getting the inspections and agreements drawn up has been a tedious, drawn-out process. And this week, they got the news that if they can’t get everything together by Friday, we won’t be able to purchase the place.

“Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.“

Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.

I was struck by the similarity of this verse with one a book earlier in Psalm 37:

“Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.“

This committing thing is hard. It’s entrusting everything we have (or think we have, when really it’s His all along) to God. And while theoretically we might know that He’s the one in control anyway, it’s still hard to choose to give it to Him.

If we can’t get this place, we’ll have to move. While I’m personally not too worried about moving, and in some ways would welcome the change, I do shudder a little at the thought of the amount of work needed for us to make the move as a family. It’s a big job.

“Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.“

Sigh. I think I have more to learn in this “commitment” stage. And while I pray for God’s will to be done, and that I will be accepting and eager for His plan for my life—our lives—it still takes faith to wait.

Uncertainty is a difficult thorn to work with, but today, I’m going to focus on committing it and my future to Him.

I’ve got a promise to stand on that my thoughts will be established, and He will bring my way—His will for my life—to fruition.

What uncertainties are you facing today? What encouragement have you gleaned from the Word as you try to face it with a Christ-like attitude?

Hope in the Hurting Places

October 5, 2017 // Esther Filbrun 2 Comments

It’s been a cloudy day here in North Canterbury, but this evening the sky is starting to show slices of blue through it. It’s beautiful. And with the dandelions scattered around the yard like little bursts of starlight, I can’t help but feel a little happier.

Last year at this time, that wasn’t the case though—I was reeling from the devastating news that my brother was dead. Today, I haven’t been able to help but remember all that happened that day, and how our family was changed forever from that time on…but despite that and the difficult memories that come with it, I’ve continuously tried to direct my thoughts up.

Like the Psalmist of old, “Oh Lord, I’m sinking…but You in Your salvation and mercy will lift me up.”

And in this case, that’s enough.

Trust Him

One thing I’ve purposefully been doing these last few days leading up to the one-year anniversary is focus on God’s character. I knew this time would be rough, emotionally speaking. And I wanted to be prepared to some extent. It’s been such a blessed time. Even though there’s been a lot of pain, eyes stinging with tears at times, I know I can still look up and see the truth of God and His Word. It’s one constant thing in my life right now—and it has been constant for the last 2000+ years. It’s not likely to be going anywhere anytime soon.

This has been very helpful for me. Making note of these things, to read over and ground myself in when I need it, has been so special.

I’m thankful…

For the riches of God’s Word
For God’s holiness and justice
For the peace only Jesus can give
For God’s absolute love and guidance
For God’s mercy and grace
For His unending faithfulness
For hope in Christ
For the fact that we can trust God in everything
That He is in control
That He will never leave us
That He has (and will) bring us through
That He has cleared the path before, and He will again
That He is God, Jehovah-jireh, the Provider

God is so good.

I don’t know what you’re going through right now, what testings (emotionally or physically) you might be facing at the moment. But do know that you are loved, that you are in the center of His hand, and He will never let you go. God is there, in the situation with you. And that, as cliché as it sounds, is really enough.

Trust Him.

If you had to choose, what Bible verse comforts you the most when you’re walking through the valleys? Share below—I’d love to hear!

When You Can Sing Again

May 24, 2017 // Esther Filbrun Leave a Comment

Last Wednesday, nearly a week ago, we were invited to the home of a local friend for an impromptu singing. If you happen to know our family in real life, you’ve probably found out that we love to sing—so it wasn’t likely that we would be missing this chance! It was a lovely evening of praise to our Lord and Maker, and I think we all came away feeling refreshed. One song we sang that night, though, touched the deep chords of my heart.

It is the last song I remember singing with Seth.

We had been at a concert put on by all the families of our homeschool group, and as our family has done for the past 5-7 concerts we’ve attended, we sang a couple songs together and shared a short poem. The songs and poem all spoke of loss, but beyond that—of hope after loss. I had invited a dear friend of ours, a recent widow, to the concert, hoping that our words—however trite they might come across—would be encouraging and helpful to her in her grief.

I had no idea then that the very words which I was hoping would be an encouragement to her would become a lifeline of a memory, a grounding pillar to me, exactly a week and a half later.

It’s bittersweet to look back on now, knowing that my last memories of singing with him were singing together about the Lord’s healing and help in the middle of struggles we don’t understand. It was—is—powerful to think on.

After the funeral, when life is supposed to return to normal, I remember noticing my singing had stopped. Dried up. Daily chores that had often found me humming favorite melodies were now unusually silent. My heart was just too heavy—overwhelmed—to attempt to even consider finding something.

During those days, I could only cling to the Lord and my family. Together, we discussed our fears, shared our pain, and prayed…a lot. All we had then were God’s promises to cling to, and they became enough. Every time whys surfaced, every time the grief got too hard to bear, He was there to bear it. He took it. And I could sleep each night in peace, knowing that the Lord was there with us in the mess.

Then, one day a week or two later, I caught myself singing again. It’s then I knew I could hope. If that part of me could come back, a new normal could follow.

I don’t know what you’re facing today, what trials are burdening your heart and bringing pain-filled tears to your eyes. But dear friend, may I encourage you to look up? Even if your heart and throat cannot express yourself the way you’ve always known, do know that the Comforter is right there for you. He loves you. You! You might not feel able to grasp that right now, but that’s okay. Cling onto one more day, one more moment. The One who created the universe knows what you’re going through, and He does care.

That song that we sang last Wednesday, the one we sang as a family? I’m thankful I can still sing it today. And it’s become even more precious than it was back then. Here’s our family’s version of it—admittedly not that great, but that’s okay too.

Blessings on your day, friend!

Have you ever been in a place where you just couldn’t sing? How did the Lord help you out of that?

When Real Life Hurts

May 10, 2017 // Esther Filbrun 4 Comments

I never thought, that morning in early October 2016, how quickly my life could be tossed into a tailspin. I had no clue then how much pain and loss can be crammed into a few minutes—a few seconds—in a day. I also had no clue as to how much the Lord’s presence could be felt even when you’re facing your worst nightmare.

Raindrops on flowers

I had no idea. And in many, many ways, I’m glad I didn’t. But as I’ve thought back on the day my oldest brother committed suicide, I’m often struck not with the ugliness and agony of that day (although that was most definitely there), but more with the love—the love that can only come from Jesus—that flowed to, over, and around us in that time.

It still makes me want to cry when I think about it. His love is beyond explanation.

I didn’t—don’t—want to write about this detail in our family’s history. It’s ugly. It’s awful. But at the same time, as month after month slides by, I’m coming to realize that not talking about a thing (surprise!) doesn’t make it just disappear. This is what happened. And as I’ve been pondering and praying about what to blog about, this is the detail that I keep coming back to:

God is good, even when life is a horrific mess.

Just recently, I was reminded of those beautiful verses in 2 Corinthians 1:3–4 that go like this:

“Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.”

God’s comfort toward us was shown in a very mighty way over the months following my brother’s death. While I don’t want to “glorify” his death in any way, or “rub it in your face”, so to speak, I do think I’m going to talk about it sometimes from here on out. Because I know this is something—as ugly as it is—that I have learned a lot from, and if my experiences can be helpful to just one person, if these painful moments can help to comfort you in what you’re going through, I’ll count my time more than worthwhile.

I don’t know a lot. But I do know one thing: God is good. And I’d like to share just a little of that with you over the next while.

Have you been through some tough stuff in your life? Did you experience the Lord’s nearness in that? What did He teach you in that time?