Faith

The Path of Singleness

April 23, 2021 // Esther Filbrun Leave a Comment

I got some wonderful news this week—that a friend just got engaged! I’m very excited for her; that’s been a long time coming, and I’m glad they finally made that decision.

It’s also interesting, as a single woman, to hear news like that. Though I have had several other acquaintances or friends—some younger than me—get married in the last few years, none in my “close” friend group have tied the knot yet.

And though I’m reminded that perhaps, with several relationships in the past few years, it could have been me giving out the joyful news, that’s not where I am now. I’ve seen other single young women really struggling with this, but I feel curiously detached from such feelings—perhaps I’m not old enough to really mourn it? Surely my life isn’t more full, more busy, than theirs?

It isn’t that I don’t sometimes feel a little sad that things didn’t turn out the way I hoped. After all, I wanted to get married at 18 and probably have two or three children by now! (I’m thankful God didn’t fulfill that wish, by the way.)

Whatever the case may be, I’m thankful to be in the season I’m in.

I’m thankful I don’t have a husband and family and all the responsibilities that come with that—thankful, because of that, to have the ability to step into other people’s lives and walk alongside them for a time as needed.

I’m thankful to have this time with my family—after this past year of being away almost more than I was here (maybe not always physically, but emotionally), that is extra-special. There’s a 21-year age gap between my youngest sister and me, and that feels pretty big. I’m glad I get this time to watch her grow up.

Even though I’m thankful—grateful—to be in this season, yes, it sometimes is hard to think of others getting to live the life I’d love to live. Hard to see others looking forward to having their own homes, starting their own families, having that special relationship blossom and grow with year after year of patient tending.

It’s hard to think about the people getting to hold and love on their own babies when I don’t have one yet.

Maybe I’m not as detached about it as I thought at first. Maybe I do care more.

But this—this I do know, and I keep learning about more and still haven’t found the bottom of yet: God’s love toward me is even greater.

His plans for me are even wider.

His direction in my life is even higher and more complicated than I ever thought possible.

And—He has directed my past. I’ve seen His fingerprints in my life over, and over, and over, guiding, directing, leading, and placing the next steppingstone there just when I need it the most.

He is trustworthy. And if He can provide the small answers to my problems now, He can and will provide the bigger answers to my relationships when the time is right.

So yes, today, I rejoice with my friend who announces her engagement. I rejoice with other friends who are eagerly anticipating their wedding in just a month’s time. And I rejoice with my Father, knowing that He has my life firmly in His capable hands.

What truths are you telling your soul right now? Is this something you’ve struggled with? What conclusions have you come to?

Gideon’s Cloak

May 5, 2020 // Esther Filbrun Leave a Comment

Well, hello again, friends! I thought I’d drop in here today to share a little Scripture nugget I was blessed by near the end of last week.

It’s been a busy day here at the Filbrun household. This morning, Mom decided to call off “normal” schooling, and do something different—watch the Home Grown Foods Summit that’s going on right now! (#HomeschoolingPerks, anyone?) The children did have the option to do their normal school work, but, wonder of wonders, everyone decided they’d rather learn from the presentations. We really enjoyed the three we watched today (I have four pages of notes as a result!), and I’m looking forward to seeing what we can learn tomorrow.

Also, we got out into the garden today. This was my project this afternoon, before on the left, and after on the right. I’ve got about four more rows of tomatoes to pull out yet, but I’m glad for the progress so far! It is nice to have a tidier garden to look at now that we’re at the end of the season!

And now onto the devotional. I’ve been reading Rosie Boom’s devotional My Heart Overflows lately (unfortunately, I’m not sure the book is in print anymore), and it’s been a real blessing to me! Perhaps that’s what has inspired this to some extent.

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“But the Spirit of the Lord clothed Gideon, and he sounded the trumpet, and the Abiezrites were called out to follow him.” — Judges 6:34 (ESV)

I loved this verse this morning when I was listening to a Bible podcast feed (one of those through-the-Bible-in-a-year plans, but in audio version and it’s published every day). I generally listen to this while I’m getting dressed and doing my hair in the mornings; it’s just another way to fill my day and heart with God’s Word.

When I looked this verse up in several different versions, they all said something along the lines of “the Spirit of the Lord came upon Gideon…” with a footnote of “clothed” for the “came upon” part. The ESV, quoted above, translates this literally, and if I understand the root word correctly, it connotates a “clothing” meaning. I don’t think it matters either way, but I did think it was an interesting concept.

Right after this verse, Gideon does his two “fleece tests”—so obviously, though he was “clothed with the Spirit”, he didn’t always “walk in the Spirit”—Galatians 5:16: “This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.” (KJV)

What would it be like to know that this clothing you are wearing is actually the very Spirit of God? That’s how it was for Gideon, at least for a time to some extent, and, I believe, is ours today. Consider these verses:

“Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?” — 1 Corinthians 3:16 (KJV)

“What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.” — 1 Corinthians 6:19–20 (KJV)

As children of God (Romans 8:16), we are clothed with the Spirit. And this is where my imagination runs a little wild. I imagine that to be more than just clothing, though—it’s armor, wrapped around us, protecting each part of us. But it’s odd armor—not only is it our protection, but it is also our enabler—our means to go out into the world and bring change to others in a meaningful way. It is our offensive weapon that brings hope and healing to those that have none, in the sense that it is multiplying armor—we can use it, through the Spirit, to give armor to others.

I also imagine this “clothing” to be a soft blanket, wrapped around our shoulders on a chilly morning. Though the storms of life may rage around us, though things make absolutely no sense (why would God whittle an army of 32,000 down to 300 when they were facing an innumerable army?), we are given the Comforter (John 14:16) who will be with us in all things.

Lord, clothe me more in Your Spirit, and let me never forget that You are living in and covering me. You are so good!

What have you been working on lately? What has the Lord been speaking to you through your time with Him?

Changes and Opportunities

September 16, 2019 // Esther Filbrun Leave a Comment

Yesterday, I got the news that due to changes where I work, I will only be working one day a week instead of the two I normally do. In effect, that means my hours are halved, which is rather major! I fully support my bosses and agree with their decision—sometimes, no matter how much we’d like things to work one way, they just can’t for a while. Eventually, perhaps, I’ll go back to working two days per week for them again, but only if they need it. Since I am a house helper, ideally the children will get old enough and competent enough eventually to be able to take over my job—so I’d be out of work then, anyway.

We’ll see!

For now, I’m thankful to still have something of a job.

I admit; I was a little disappointed when I got the news (who wouldn’t be?), but in thinking about it, I’ve realized this could be another opportunity for God to show me the next step to take. I’ve always prayed that the Lord would open the doors before me when the right time comes, and when that time comes He would show me what doors are open so I can walk through them. When one opportunity seemed to come to an end, He always has brought another along.

This opportunity for ministry with that family hasn’t fully come to an end yet, so I’m sure He still has work here for me to do. Wherever I am, I want to be able to bless others. To show them the Lord’s goodness, and perhaps be His “hands and feet” for them.

I’m sure that’s the longing of many young women—and if you’re one of them, I’d like to encourage you to keep trusting the Lord! He will bring the right next step to you in His timing. Yes, the in-between might be a little disconcerting, but trust His promises.

I always feel a sort of push-and-pull. I believe it’s necessary to find contentment where we are, but we also aren’t called to just sit and wait for something to drop into our laps. Finding a balance between the two is needed. I’m praying the Lord will show me what I should do with the extra time He’s given me—because He has a plan for that, too. Pray with me, if you think about it! And if you have something I can pray for you for, please comment below or send me an email: esther[at]learningresourcedirectory[dot]com. I’d love to hear from you!

No matter what you’re facing today, keep your eyes on Him. Watch for the open doors.

“For thou art my lamp, O LORD: and the LORD will lighten my darkness.” (II Samuel 22:29)

What challenges are you facing right now?

Finding Rest

August 12, 2019 // Esther Filbrun Leave a Comment

Early last week, I downloaded a scripture writing plan that had a scripture a day for this month. Last Saturday’s verses were from Matthew 11:28-30, and the special part was that these verses have been precious to me for years.

Back in 2016, I sang a song based on those words in a choir at a youth conference I went to. I’ve loved the song ever since; remembering the words and choosing to rest in Jesus at that time was an important reminder to me. My brother had just died, and the song reaffirmed Jesus’ presence with me—with us—in that time of intense grief.

Here is a beautiful choral rendition of the same composition we sang back in 2016:

Other times in life, we still have to choose to trust the Lord. To come to Him, and leave our burdens at His feet. Worries and concerns for the future may clog the pathway before us, but we must choose to remember Who is in control. It’s not me. It’s not you. It’s Jesus, and He loves and cares for us far more than we give Him credit for.

Today, let us rest in Him. Make the conscious choice to trust that His purposes are being worked out.

He is faithful.

He will give us rest.

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30, ESV)

What verses have encouraged you when you were struggling to trust Jesus for something in your life?

Slowing Down to Listen

June 17, 2019 // Esther Filbrun Leave a Comment

Today, I’d like to share a few quotes I’ve found in a book called Here, Now by Kate Merrick. I’m hoping I can share a review of this book on my book reviews site soon, but it’s not written yet. I did get this book as a for-review copy, so I will be reviewing it soon on Goodreads and Amazon.

Note: Some links in this post are affiliate links. Your purchase through these links help support this blog at no extra expense to you. Thank you!

I finished Here, Now last week, and highly recommend it. Lots of great thoughts here! I’d almost like to have a physical copy of this, just so I can see how it all fits together on paper. It’s good. And yes, these aren’t all the quotes I have, but I’ve managed to pare it down to five. I hope at least one blesses you!

“Slow down, take in your life, find the beauty, and see God moving all around you—it’s worth it.” —Jamie Ivey

“God is willing to speak to and lead us more than we are willing to be spoken to and led.” —Kate Merrick

“Prayer is the beginning of presence, the beginning of peace, the beginning of contentment.” —Kate Merrick

“We practice presence by asking him to show us just how near he really is, how he sees us, and believing what he says rather than our own feelings, impressions, or emotions.” —Kate Merrick

“Today is all you have; it’s all anyone has.” —A woman who lost her son to leukemia

If you would like to have a little more encouragement from Kate Merrick herself, I’d recommend you check out the book these quotes came from: Here, Now.

How has God been speaking to you this week?

Joy

June 10, 2019 // Esther Filbrun Leave a Comment

Contentment. Happiness. Hope. Peace. Thankfulness.

I believe they all have one thing in common—joy.

I could live in a sea of “woe is me” forever, and never find a bottom.

But in Christ, there is a bottom. I have the choice: Focus on my imperfections, or on His perfection. Bemoan my predicament, or praise Him for His hand in it all. Trust my own work to get me there, or trust in His.

It’s all that simple—and that hard!

But when I remind myself of God’s attributes, I find a solid rock to stand on.

He is love—and He loves me. He is faithful. His word is true. He is the great shepherd. He is our refuge. He is our strength. Perhaps best of all, He is my Father. He’s adopted me. Me! and you! Glory!

When I’m tempted to doubt, this is the space I want to come back to. Reviewing these truths refreshes my soul, and gives me that much-needed position of joy. Because on my own, I am incompetent, but in Him, I am complete.

And you are too!

What has the Lord spoken to you about today?