Thinking

The Path of Singleness

April 23, 2021 // Esther Filbrun Leave a Comment

I got some wonderful news this week—that a friend just got engaged! I’m very excited for her; that’s been a long time coming, and I’m glad they finally made that decision.

It’s also interesting, as a single woman, to hear news like that. Though I have had several other acquaintances or friends—some younger than me—get married in the last few years, none in my “close” friend group have tied the knot yet.

And though I’m reminded that perhaps, with several relationships in the past few years, it could have been me giving out the joyful news, that’s not where I am now. I’ve seen other single young women really struggling with this, but I feel curiously detached from such feelings—perhaps I’m not old enough to really mourn it? Surely my life isn’t more full, more busy, than theirs?

It isn’t that I don’t sometimes feel a little sad that things didn’t turn out the way I hoped. After all, I wanted to get married at 18 and probably have two or three children by now! (I’m thankful God didn’t fulfill that wish, by the way.)

Whatever the case may be, I’m thankful to be in the season I’m in.

I’m thankful I don’t have a husband and family and all the responsibilities that come with that—thankful, because of that, to have the ability to step into other people’s lives and walk alongside them for a time as needed.

I’m thankful to have this time with my family—after this past year of being away almost more than I was here (maybe not always physically, but emotionally), that is extra-special. There’s a 21-year age gap between my youngest sister and me, and that feels pretty big. I’m glad I get this time to watch her grow up.

Even though I’m thankful—grateful—to be in this season, yes, it sometimes is hard to think of others getting to live the life I’d love to live. Hard to see others looking forward to having their own homes, starting their own families, having that special relationship blossom and grow with year after year of patient tending.

It’s hard to think about the people getting to hold and love on their own babies when I don’t have one yet.

Maybe I’m not as detached about it as I thought at first. Maybe I do care more.

But this—this I do know, and I keep learning about more and still haven’t found the bottom of yet: God’s love toward me is even greater.

His plans for me are even wider.

His direction in my life is even higher and more complicated than I ever thought possible.

And—He has directed my past. I’ve seen His fingerprints in my life over, and over, and over, guiding, directing, leading, and placing the next steppingstone there just when I need it the most.

He is trustworthy. And if He can provide the small answers to my problems now, He can and will provide the bigger answers to my relationships when the time is right.

So yes, today, I rejoice with my friend who announces her engagement. I rejoice with other friends who are eagerly anticipating their wedding in just a month’s time. And I rejoice with my Father, knowing that He has my life firmly in His capable hands.

What truths are you telling your soul right now? Is this something you’ve struggled with? What conclusions have you come to?

Faithful in All Seasons

September 1, 2020 // Esther Filbrun Leave a Comment

It was a warm, windy day here when I got back to North Canterbury on Sunday afternoon. Today, rain is coming through in gusts, with a definite chill in the air heralding a southerly wind pushing up from south of New Zealand. Some parts of the island have had snowfall, and though we aren’t supposed to get any due to our low altitude, you can definitely tell from the air that it’s somewhere around! I’m looking forward to tomorrow, when the clouds roll away and I can get a glimpse at the hills and mountains surrounding us—I expect they will be quite beautiful!

It’s amazing how life follows the same patterns weather does—sometimes, things are bleak and shot-through with sorrow, and other times, sunlight comes in on the gentle wings of a breeze, coaxing the daffodils and hyacinths into the full, rich blossom of springtime.

When I went home a week ago, the tree outside my bedroom was a mass of dark greeny-grey branches and twigs. Now, little clusters of light green have sprung from what looked lifeless, and the tree’s branches are suddenly a haze of growth and beauty.

These past weeks haven’t been easy, for a variety of reasons, but you know—the Lord is so faithful. Even when I feel like I’m distanced from Him, that I can’t get much out of His Word, He still reaches through and touches me.

I’ve been blessed to be part of a HelloMornings study group for the past two weeks, and one question about a week ago was, what songs do we cling to in hard times? I shared a couple from my “Valley of Hope” playlist—one compiled years ago—and was reminded of just how faithful the Lord has been over the years.

When we walked through losing my brother, He held us up.

When Mom miscarried little ones we were looking forward to meeting, He held our hands—and even provided a rainbow in the sky on our way into the hospital the last time!

When my youngest sister was born, our joy in His goodness overflowed.

When I struggled to give up my idea in preference for what He was asking from me, He gave me the grace to say “yes”.

When a hoped-for journey came to an abrupt end, He gave peace.

Whatever you’re facing, friend, I hope you will keep your hope and trust in the Lord today. No matter what your current weather season is, He will always bring life and hope again!

And, for your enjoyment and perhaps encouragement, here is my “Valley of Hope” playlist.

What songs touch you when you’re walking through hard things? Comment below; I’m always on the lookout for other encouraging ones!

The Springtime of Joy (Poem)

October 21, 2019 // Esther Filbrun 2 Comments

It was beautiful, down the valley,
Where the wild gorse grows,
Beautiful in the sunshine,
Where the river’s current flows.

Beautiful in the splendor
Of a clear springy day,
Beautiful as the willow brush
The fresh wind did play.

But deep within the beauty,
Where no eye has ever seen,
Lay the sorrow of a winter,
The drought before the spring.

For once upon a mountain,
The place wilderness only knows,
There lay a pall of darkness
Under winter’s heavy snows.

Cold winds did lash her,
Frigid temperatures in the dark,
And, stumbling, in the gloaming,
Her heart was torn apart.

But now spring has brought her
Out of winter into light,
And the place that once was barren
Now blooms from what was night.

Those who heard her sighing
In the darkness of the past
Are now singing and rejoicing
At the light that’s come at last.

So join with me in praising
If the darkness lingers yet,
For beyond the wings of sorrow
Lies a path to joys unmet.

Dedicated to those who have walked the valley of sorrow, whatever it may be. It’s only the beginning, for beyond the winter, there is the new hope of spring!

A Shout-Out to All Creators!

October 4, 2019 // Esther Filbrun 1 Comment

I don’t remember now how the conversation first started, but I got to talking with my younger brothers about a particularly annoying dragon in one of the stories I’d written. When met with blank faces, I realized they hadn’t ever heard the story, even though I wrote it for my siblings, intending to read it to them later!

My youngest brother immediately started campaigning for me to find it so I could read it to them, so over the last few weeks, I’ve taken time to do that now and then. We’re about half-way through the story now, which is significantly longer than I thought it would be (turns out it’s just under 20,000 words long!).

There have been two, no, three things that have struck me since starting to read this book aloud:

It’s not a bad thing to wait for a while to read through a book. I thought it was a fairly mediocre story soon after I wrote it, but waiting nearly two years to read it has changed my perspective quite a bit. I don’t know if I’d recommend waiting that long before you even read through your work for the first time, but you get a great perspective on the story—so much is new again!
I can write semi-funny things. I’ve laughed out loud several different times at unexpected happenings, and that’s a really fun discovery!
Some of my story ideas actually work. At least, for me and my family, which is the most important thing to me. I don’t know if this story will ever see the light of day in any editing/publishing roles, but I enjoyed the creation process, and I’m enjoying the sharing process, too.

Are you creating anything right now? Does it feel like absolute junk—like mine did? Keep working at it. Finish it. You never know what kind of gems you might find in your files years down the track!

Keep creating!

It’s All From Jesus: A Bible Verse Study

April 5, 2019 // Esther Filbrun Leave a Comment

Last Sunday, I started reading through Ephesians, and one thing I noticed in the preface to the book in my study Bible was the mention of the words “in Him” or “in Christ” in the book. And, since I absolutely love discovering (or rediscovering!) patterns in the Bible, I though it would be fun to copy all the instances out. They were a great encouragement to me to meditate on this week, and perhaps they will be to you, too.

Due to the amount of verses (I just counted up, and there are 33 references!), I’ve limited the quotations to just the ones dealing specifically with our relationship with Christ.

There’s still a lot, though. 🙂

It's All From Jesus A Bible Verse Study 01 — Farewell Spit, July 2015

“…blessed us with all spiritual blessings…in Christ…” (Eph. 1:3)

“… chosen us in him before the foundation of the world…” (Eph. 1:4)

“…he hath made us accepted in the beloved.” (Eph. 1:6)

“In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins…” (Eph. 1:7)

“In whom…we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated…” (Eph. 1:11)

“In whom…after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise…” (Eph. 1:13)

“…the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power…wrought in Christ…” (Eph. 1:19-20)

“…quickened [made us alive] together with Christ…” (Eph. 2:5)

“…raised us up…and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus…” (Eph. 2:6)

“…we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works…” (Eph. 2:10)

“…now in Christ Jesus ye who sometimes were far off are made nigh by the blood of Christ.” (Eph. 2:13)

“…to make in himself of twain one new man, so making peace…” (Eph. 2:15)

It's All From Jesus A Bible Verse Study 02 — Farewell Spit, July 2015

“…through him we both have access by one Spirit unto the Father.” (Eph. 2:18)

“In whom ye also are builded together for an habitation of God through the Spirit.” (Eph. 2:22)

“…strengthened with might by his Spirit…rooted and grounded in love…” (Eph. 3:16-17)

“May be able to comprehend…the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; and to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge…filled with all the fulness of God.” (Eph. 3:18-19)

“…him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think…” (Eph. 3:20)

“…the truth is in Jesus…” (Eph. 4:21)

“…for ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light…” (Eph. 5:8)

I love all the promises here! We are blessed, chosen, accepted. We have redemption, forgiveness, and an inheritance we can’t even imagine. We have been sealed, made alive, raised up, brought near, built, strengthened, rooted and grounded in love…and the list goes on! I have to wonder what this list would look like if one were to go through the entire New Testament—and what about the promises in the Old Testament?

In Christ, we have been given everything. God is so good! I love how through all these verses the emphasis is always on the Lord doing this; it’s not us, or anything we have done. It’s HIM. All Jesus.

And I’ll close with one final one, which also happens to be the last one I copied out, too!

“…be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.” (Eph. 6:10)

How has the Lord been speaking to you through His Word this week?

Monday Inspiration: Two Quotes

March 4, 2019 // Esther Filbrun Leave a Comment

First, this “quote-of-the-month” for me:

“Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open.” — Corrie ten Boom

And this verse I wrote up and have tacked on the cork board next to my desk:

“Thou hast made known to me the ways of life, thou shalt make me full of joy with thy countenance.” — Acts 2:28